Have you ever felt the rains of life come upon you? Have you been wedged in times of anguish, heartache or confusion? We can all answer this with a hearty “yes”. My next question would be; how did you deal with it? Even when things in your life are going extremely well, what is your thought pattern then?
There was a chunk of my life where I chose not to have God as a part of my every day life. I relied on my own ‘strength’ and ‘power’. I believed I was my own ‘god’. I believed that I was in control of everything that happened in my world, even though it looked kind of chaotic.
My life was casting out my own theory of right and wrong with no real rules for myself. The things I chose to be involved in during that era began to blacken my heart. The sadness and dissatisfaction began to grow. It was a selfish mission. I was successful in my work, I was very confident; I had many friends and a huge social life. But, what was that gap? What was missing? I just wasn’t feeling complete or satisfied. Issues would arise that seemed to crumble my world. I was like a runaway train.
The Bible says, “This is the condemnation [and the critical moment], that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light . . . ” (John Chapter 3, Verse 19).
Founder of the first satanic church, Anton LaVey describes his view, “To the Satanist, he is his own God. Satan is a symbol of Man living as his prideful, carnal nature dictates.”….“Satan is not a conscious entity to be worshipped, rather a reservoir of power inside each human to be tapped at will.” He suggests, then, that the rational Satanists should instead internalize their gods and therefore worship themselves. Anton passed away in 1997. (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LaVeyan_Satanism)
Writer, poet, and atheist Charles Bukowski says, “For those who believe in God, most of the big questions are answered. But for those of us who can't readily accept the God formula, the big answers don't remain stone-written. We adjust to new conditions and discoveries. We are pliable. Love need not be a command nor faith a dictum. I am my own god. We are here to unlearn the teachings of the church, state, and our educational system. We are here to drink beer. We are here to kill war. We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.” (www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/13275.Charles_Bukowski)
Sadly death did take Charles in 1994, in the form of leukemia.
I have much intrigue about people who spend their lives adamantly declaring that there is no god or fight against God. The conversations tend to be a justification of their non-belief in God. I want to love these people. I want to know their pain and hurt. I want to know their journey and walk it with them.
Ultimately, as we live this path of making ourselves our own ‘god’, we become more selfish. It is all about ME. He is the creator of love and life. To deny him rips out a chunk of who you are.
My challenge today is to stop trying to deny Him and get to know Him. What is the worst that can happen? Get close to the God of love and life?
He wants you. He pursues you endlessly. Why does he do that? Unconditional love.
Jeremiah Chapter 29, Verses 11-13 says, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.”
Either consciously or unconsciously I have lived my life with parts of both Anton LaVey and Charles Bukowski’s beliefs. Where they preached the goodness of living in the power of yourself; I found only darkness, pain and loneliness. When I began to feel and know that God was calling me closer to Him, I was ready to respond. In His desire to have a relationship with me, and the miracle that it was, I found the peace and strength I needed.
Leaning on God is satisfying and He not only loves me and walks with me through those times, but it gives me joy and an overwhelming sense of relief that God wants to take my burdens from me.
Irish U2 rock star Bono commented in an interview, "It's a mind-blowing concept that the God who created the Universe might be looking for company, a real relationship with people…”
Belinda Croft lives in Melbourne with husband Russell and son BJ, 12 years. She has a passion for God, writing, creativity, missions and social justice.
Belinda Croft's previous articles may be viewed at